


LATER THAT NIGHT...

by Barson4EverIsReal



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barson, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2018-12-14 23:39:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11793843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barson4EverIsReal/pseuds/Barson4EverIsReal
Summary: This story takes place the evening of Sancuary (18x21).Chapter 1 is Olivia's POV.Chapter 2 is Rafael's POV.Chapter 3 ...The Meeting.Chapter 4 ... The DecisionChapter 5 ... The DisclosureChapter 6 ... The First DateChapter 7 ... A ghost from the pastChapter 8 ... Life ChangesChapter 9 ... The DemonsChapter 10 .... One Year Later





	1. Olivia's POV

This takes place the night of Sancuary (18x21). Olivia is on her way home after being told by Dodds, Sr of the bombing at the Harlem mosque.  
Chapter 1 is Olivia’s POV.  
Chapter 2 will be Barba’s POV.

 

The entire way home Olivia was shaken…by the Samra verdict, by the bombing at the Harlem mosque, by the five that were killed, and by Rafael Barba. With everything that happened that day, why couldn’t she get this man out of her mind?

Olivia’s mind was racing on the drive home. She began to think out loud.

“Disenchanted? Who uses that word, anyway? No, I’m not upset with him. I’m really not. We’ve always worked well together and yes, we sometimes have very different perspectives on an issue. We don’t always agree on cases but we’ve constantly made our professional relationship work. Why would he ask if I was disenchanted with him?  
Damn it! Olivia, stop! Just stop!”

But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the feeling. She wasn’t sure what the feeling was exactly, but it would not leave her.

It was 9pm by the time Olivia turned the key in her apartment door. She was emotionally exhausted and she’d never been happier to be home. After telling Lucy goodnight, Olivia quietly walked into Noah’s room, gently kissed her sleeping son on the forehead, stroking his dark hair she whispered “Good night sweet boy… I love you.” After a quick shower, Liv changed into her favorite t-shirt and yoga pants. She crashed on the sofa, glass of cabernet in hand and she tried to unwind watching an old black and white movie on television. But her mind kept returning back to the ADA.

As part of her therapy with Dr. Lindstrom, he had suggested Olivia might want to start a journal. He explained that it would make her thoughts a bit clearer and would help in processing whatever it was she was feeling that day. Also, it would be good way to track her emotions and if there were any triggers she was unaware of. She had been journaling off and on since the William Lewis kidnapping. But this entry tonight would be like no other…the only thing on her mind….her colleague, her friend, Rafael Barba.

Her entry began ….

_Why does this man constantly get to me? Why do I always LET this man constantly get to me? I like Rafael, I really do. He’s a good man, an excellent ADA (probably the best I’ve ever seen in my entire time at SVU), he’s a wonderful son to Lucia, and he’s always been a good friend to me. He truly has. He’s always been there whenever I needed an ear, for whatever reason._

_While I was in the process of adopting Noah and we discovered that Johnny D was Noah’s biological father, Rafael was the first one I turned to. He was prosecuting Johnny Drake, that’s true, so when Melinda gave me the news about the DNA, I did need to tell him because of the case. Plus I needed a legal ear to advise me if I should or was even legally obligated to disclose Noah’s birth father. But if I’m completely truthful with myself, I wanted him here… I needed him here to help me. I suppose I could have called Trevor, after all he was Noah’s attorney. But I wanted Barba. I needed Rafael here._

_Then there was the William Lewis trial the year before. Rafael kept me sane. He kept my mind and emotions in check. He’ll never understand how grateful I am HE was the one to prosecute Lewis, but also that he was there for me, as a friend, as a sounding board, or just to let me cry if need be. I let Rafael Barba see me cry. For the rest of the world, I’ve always felt like I needed to be a rock…. on guard. But with Rafael I thought…hell I know…that’s just pointless. He sees right through that._

_I swore that after the Lewis trial, I would never lie under oath again. Barba knew…he knew why I did it. I told him, but he’d already known. He knew from the beginning and he understood. But I couldn’t do it again…Lying never works out well for me. Never again. Then the Samra rapes and murders happened._

_I was furious… BEYOND furious when he asked me to lie under oath during the Samra trial about that damn phone call that never happened. I couldn’t believe what he was asking me to do! Him of all damn people! But as upset and frustrated as I sometimes get with him, it’s always easy to forgive him. Even when the stubborn streak in me doesn’t want to, I can’t help but forgive him. The fact is, all aspects of our now 5 yr working relationship have been extraordinarily easy and it has been that way from the beginning…since that first case we worked together._

_When we talk, he can damn near finish my sentences. He knows my thoughts, my thought process and it’s as if he knows what I’m going to say before it comes out of my mouth…and…. I trust him. For the first time since I can remember, I can honestly say he is the one man I have totally, completely and without question trusted…with everything….ever._

Olivia suddenly stopped, realizing the gravity of what she’s just written.  
She whispered… “Oh my God.”

Tears began to fill Olivia’s eyes as she struggled to see the words she had written. Her hands began to shake as she tried to write….bur her emotions overcame her and tears streamed down her face. That feeling she couldn’t shake…she knew. She knew what it was. She knew why it was so strong, so overwhelming, so overpowering. In a shaky voice she said to herself, “Why didn’t I see this before?”

Olivia sat and stared at her written words for what seemed like hours. She re-read over and over again the words SHE had just written. Finally, she put her journal down, wiping her eyes and picked up her cell phone, sending a text to the number she has texted hundreds if not thousands of times before.

 

< Hey, are you awake?>

 Liv? Yes I'm awake.  Is something wrong? 

< U still up for that drink? My place? I have your favorite scotch.>

 

After what seemed an eternity…. a reply came through.

I can be there in 10.

<Perfect>

 

Olivia smiled as she put down her phone. She walked to the kitchen and pulled the Scotch and a glass from the cabinet. Bringing it to the coffee table, she sat and waited for him to get there. Not sure of what she’d say when he did arrive, she knew it had to be said…. She loved him. The same man who frustrated and infuriated her at times….this was the same man she was in love with. Maybe, just maybe….he loved her too??

Just as she began to second guess her decision she heard a knock at her door. “This is it” she said. She took a very deep breath. Unsure of how this night would unfold, she knew one thing was certain….after tonight, good or bad….nothing would be the same.


	2. Rafael's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 takes place during the same time period as Chapter 1 but from Rafael Barba's POV.

This takes place the evening of Sanctuary (18x21).

 

Chapter 2

 

 

Rafael Barba has had a rough couple of weeks.  That wasn’t out of the ordinary for the Assistant District Attorney for Manhattan’s Special Victims Unit. But everything had gotten to him in the last few days and become extremely personal….the Samara trial, the murder of Hector Ramirez….. and her.  The same woman he moved to Manhattan to be near, who asks him for warrants when sometimes there are not really any grounds for a warrant, the same woman who drives him crazy…Lieutenant Olivia Benson.  Several times in the last few months, just as he’d done earlier this evening, he’d asked her out for drinks….and tonight she turned him down…again.  Rafael sat as his desk in his stylishly furnished Manhattan apartment, scotch in had, and tried to compartmentalize his thoughts.

 

He’d known from the beginning, from the first time he ever laid eyes on her, that this was it for him.  This was it for his life….SHE is what he had been missing.  The entire time he was an ADA for Brooklyn’s SVU, he’d heard about then Detective Benson.  He knew her reputation. She was not only an exemplary detective, but she was known as that Manhattan SVU detective who really cared.  Her job didn’t stop once the perp was arrested. She cared about the vics.  She was passionate about her job, about seeing justice served but she was also a protective mama bear with the victims.  It wasn’t all about arresting the perp for Olivia…she always made sure the survivors got any help they needed to begin to heal.  Something else that always drove him insane….Olivia is beautiful.

 

Rafael had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life.  He’d dated his fair share of beautiful women…he’d done just fine.  But Olivia Benson was different.  The first thing he’d ever noticed about her was her eyes.  She has the biggest, deepest darkest chocolate brown eyes he had ever seen….eyes you could get lost in.  True, she was no helpless woman…she was a detective for God’s sake.  She was active…physical…and damn does that woman have some curves.  He loved every part of her, inside and out.

 

As Rafael thought about her, like he did on most evenings he was home, he opened the center draw of his desk and pulled out a photo…something that no one knew he possessed. It was the most beautiful photo of Olivia.  It had been taken the evening of Noah’s adoption party. To this day, Rafael still doesn’t know who sent it to him.

 

It had been delivered to his office via private messenger so there was no way to track it.  On the back of the photo, May 20, 2015 was handwritten…the date the photo was taken.  It arrived in a plain brown envelope along with a typed note simply saying ‘Thought you might like to have this’.  Barba didn’t recognize the handwriting on the back, so he was at a loss as to who might have sent it to him. He knew that it was not Olivia’s handwriting. The photo is one of his most cherished possessions he owned, which he only kept in his apartment desk drawer.  He didn’t dare keep a copy at his office for fear someone would question why he had it in the first place.

 

On the back of the photo underneath the date May 20, 2015, Rafael had written two more dates….January 19, 2012 and July 11, 2012.  Both dates had become very important to him.

 

January 19, 2012….the day he first laid eyes on Olivia Benson. There was an all borough conference of SVU detectives, DA’s, and sexual and domestic abuse therapists being held in Manhattan. Rafael had gotten word through a contact in the Manhattan DA’s office that Detective Benson would be speaking at that conference.  He hadn’t originally planned to, but he knew he had to attend.  This woman that everyone raved about would be there and he had to see for himself what all the fuss was about. His life changed that evening.  There was just something about her…about her presence.  There was an abundance of joy and love and just utter goodness that radiated ….and Rafael was taken in by her. Unfortunately, he noticed she was leaving with the then Executive DA from Manhattan, so he didn’t approach her.

 

Rafael had made a decision that night…he had to meet her.  Moreover, he had to work with her.  The next morning when he got to his Brooklyn office, he put in his official request for transfer to the Manhattan DA’s office. It had taken him a bit over 6 months, but he’d finally gotten what he asked for...he would be working with Detective Olivia Benson.

 

July 11, 2012 …..This is a day Rafael plays back over and over in his mind.  His contact in the Manhattan DA’s office had a long working relationship with the then acting CO of SVU, Captain Steven Harris.  He had made sure Captain Harris introduced the SVU detectives to their new ADA.  Rafael, trying to keep his cool, walked over to the Captain who introduced him to the detectives he would soon be working with.  When he shook hands with Detective Benson, who was there along with Detective Amanda Rollins, he felt a physical reaction….it was nothing he had ever experienced before.  He didn’t understand it then and now, 5 years later, he still can’t explain it.  All he knows is this woman has become his best friend. She’s the first thing he thinks about in the morning and the last thing he thinks about at night.  Rafael is deeply in love with her and he doesn’t want to spend another day on this Earth without her. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for her. She is his everything. The problem is …. Olivia has never given him any indication that she’s the least bit interested in him other than being her unit’s ADA and the occasional cup of coffee in her office.

 

As Rafael looked at the photo and sipped on his third scotch of the evening, his cell phone buzzed across his desk. When he looked at the incoming text message it was a mix of joy, excitement and concern…..

 

**< Hey, are you awake? >**

He quickly replied back.

 

 ** Liv?  Yes, I’m awake. Is something wrong **

 

**< U still up for that drink? My place? I have your favorite scotch. >        **

Rafael stopped and realized…she was asking him to her place for a drink?  He stared at her last text, trying to digest what she was asking.  Then he realized…he hadn’t replied back to her yet.

 

 ** I can be there in 10 **

 

**< Perfect.>**

 

Rafael grabbed his suit jacket, phone and keys.  On the elevator ride from his apartment to the lobby he thought he would walk to Olivia’s apartment.  It was only a few blocks away and he could clear his head and try to work out what this impromptu meeting was all about.  By the time he reached the lobby he had decided he just wanted to get there….as quickly as possible.  He hailed the first cab he saw and gave the driver Olivia’s address. 

 

On the cab ride over, Rafael felt like a nervous, jumpy teenager.  Unsure of where this evening would go or where Olivia’s invitation came from, he knew that it didn’t matter.  She asked for him…she wanted him there…and there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her.

 

Arriving in front of Olivia’s building, Rafael gave the driver a $50 bill and told him to keep the change.  The ride up the elevator to her apartment seemed like the longest ride of his life.  As he stepped off the elevator and approached her apartment door, he took a deep breath.  “Here we go”, he mumbled to himself, knocking on the door.  Rafael wasn’t sure why, but he felt like this night would change things…possibly forever.

 


	3. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting....
> 
> I've left the ending open so....if ya'll want me to try and continue the story, I'll see what we can come up with.

As Olivia stood up to answer her door, she felt a rush of emotions….fear, excitement, and a bit of trepidation. When she turned the doorknob and opened the door, there stood Rafael, still in the same brown suit and white shirt he had on earlier in the day…minus the tie. She gave a very genuine smile. “Rafael.  Hey…come in.  Thank you for coming this late. I hope I’m not keeping you from anything.”

 “No, you’re not”, he replied.   He did notice she had changed into more comfortable clothes than she wears at the office…and she looked…wow!  In her yoga pants, t-shirt and hair loosely piled on her head, he thought she looked beautiful.  “I am curious though as to why you needed to see me”, he continued, trying to get his mind back on the situation at hand.   “Is everything okay?”

 As they walked over to the sofa, she said “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just wanted to talk to you if that’s alright?”

 “Sure”, he said at they sat.  “What’s on your mind?”

 “Well,” Olivia began, “I have some things that I need to talk to you about…things I need to tell you and I’m not really sure how to begin, or how you’ll react for that matter.” 

 “Okay. That sounds a bit ominous,” Rafael replied. “Should I be worried?”

 “No, no Rafael. It’s nothing like that. It’s just…”   Barba realized he hadn’t been in her apartment for 5 minutes and she had called him Rafael…twice.  He loved it when she used his first name.

 As Olivia searched her mind for the right words, she saw her journal lying on the coffee table.  She picked it up and showed it Rafael.  She opened it up to her latest entry and explained, “My shrink, Dr. Lindstrom, he suggested awhile ago that I begin journaling and I have here and there but….I need you to read what I wrote tonight.”

 Rafael, uncertain of where this was coming from, looked at her, bewildered. He hesitated before he took the journal from her.

 Olivia, with tears beginning to fill her eyes said “Rafael….please?”

 Rafael took the journal and began to read the words Olivia had written just a short time ago.  These were her thoughts, this is what was on her heart…in her mind and she was allowing him to be a part of that.  As he read he tried to understand what she was saying…..she thought he was a fabulous ADA, a good son to Lucia and ...she was furious with him.  That just about broke his heart.  The last thing he ever wanted to do was upset her in anyway….far from it.   But as he read further he realized the tone was changing….she trusted him.  Rafael knew her history. He knew her tendencies to second guess and question people and their motives simply because of everything she had been through all the way back to her childhood.   But this was different.  Olivia was saying she trusts Rafael…totally and completely. 

After Rafael finished reading, he closed the journal and placed it back on the coffee table.  Still unsure of why exactly he was there, he questioned her. “Olivia, I’m not sure what to say.  Are you saying you’re angry with me because of the Samra trial…or because I _get to you_ somehow?” 

“No!” she interrupted. “That’s not what this is about.”  

“Then please help me understand this, Liv.” he said.  “Why am I here?”

Oliva began, “I re-read what I had written tonight probably a dozen times and I realized that, at least for me, things have changed….where you’re concerned.  Rafael, when Capt. Harris first introduced us, I thought, ok…this one’s going to be a piece of work.  I thought you were self absorbed, self centered and a bit cocky.  But Harris assured us that you were the best ADA he knew of, and you had just transferred to Manhattan, so I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and you know….Harris was right.  You’re a damn good attorney.  You’ve proven that over and over again.  But what I didn’t count on was you’d be a damn good friend….to me.  Between William Lewis, the situation with Johnny D, or just needing someone to listen while I need to vent about something, you have always been the one there for me.  You’ve listened, you’ve supported me…..you’ve been there whenever I needed, or wanted you there.  But tonight….I finally understand, it’s become even more than that.”

Rafael spoke up, “Olivia …. “

“Rafael, please let me get this out”, she interrupted. He nodded in acknowledgement. Olivia began to tremble knowing the gravity of what she was about to say. She continued, “There’s not any easy way to say this and what I’m about to tell you is going to change everything but… I’ve finally realized tonight that….. I’ve fallen in love with you. I love you, Rafael.”

Rafael sat silently, looking at Olivia and trying to catch his breath.

“You love me?” was all he could get out.  Olivia looking at his beautiful green eyes, nodded and whispered, “Yes, I do.”

They both sat quietly for what seemed like an eternity. Olivia, unsure if she had just scared Rafael away…had she just ruined the best friendship she’s ever had?   Rafael was stunned.  This was all he’d ever wanted…what he had hoped for.  Finally, Rafael spoke up, “Olivia, you’ve done the impossible….you’ve made me speechless. I can tell you this is not what I was expecting you to say. I’m not really sure what I expected, but this was never on my radar.”

Rafael picked up his suit jacket.  Olivia thought he was about to walk out on her. Instead, he reached in to the side pocket of his jacket and pulled out the photo he kept of Olivia.  He looked at it, took a breath and showed it to her.

“What is this?” she asked.  Rafael began to explain. “That photo was sent to my office Memorial Day week, 2015. It was sent by private messenger. I have no idea who sent it but it’s one of the few material things I treasure. This picture means more than any monetary wealth I could ever have, more than any case I’ve ever won…because it’s of you.” Rafael reached over and took her hand into his and continued. “Olivia, you were the reason I requested the transfer to Manhattan, you are the reason I go to work every day, and you are the reason I’ve stayed. I’ve loved you from the first moment I ever laid eyes on you and the better I get to know you, the deeper I fall in love with you. Without ever realizing it, you’ve made me a better lawyer by challenging me at every turn…giving me new perspective.  But more importantly, you’ve made me a better man and the longer I know you, the deeper my love grows.”

Olivia interrupted him, “Wait….you…love me?”  He gave her a sly smile and simply said “Guilty. But I knew I didn’t dare say anything to you.  You’d never even hinted that you wanted more than a professional relationship. Anytime, especially here lately, when I would ask you for drinks, you would shoot me down.  Then you were in a relationship with Cassidy, and then….Tucker. Plus, given our positions, police lieutenant and ADA, it’s not exactly the ideal situation, although it’s not impossible.”

 “Why can’t I fall for a man who isn’t a whopping conflict of interest?” Olivia asked, half joking.  She looked at him, realizing the magnitude of what had just transpired and said, “I guess we have some things to talk about, Rafael.” 

 Rafael, stroking her hand and smiling replied, “Yeah, we have a lot to talk about.”

 For the next several hours, they sat on Olivia’s sofa, talking about where they wanted their relationship to go, or if they even wanted to attempt a relationship.  They knew if they did attempt to make this work, there would be way more than just themselves to think about. 

 Before they realized it, the sun was coming up over the Manhattan skyline….they had been talking all night.  Just as they realized the time, they heard a key turn in Olivia’s front door.  It was 7am and Lucy was coming to take Noah to preschool. Olivia excused herself from Rafael, realizing she hadn’t woken Noah yet.  Lucy headed straight for the kitchen to begin getting Noah’s breakfast ready, passing Olivia on the way, she said good morning to both Liv and Rafael.  Then she walked to the living room to get Noah’s backpack so everything would be ready for the day. 

 Noticing Rafael sitting on the sofa, Lucy spoke, “Mr. Barba! You’re here early….big case you and Liv are working on?” Rafael, feeling a bit taken off guard, stood up and replied, “Ah, yeah Lucy….something like that.”  Lucy looked down at the coffee table and noticed the photo of Liv that had been sent to Rafael. She reached down, picked up the photo and handed it to Rafael saying, “Does this belong to you, Mr. Barba?” Rafael’s face went ashen white, half embarrassed and not sure how to respond.  Lucy saw his reaction to her question.  In a hushed voice, Lucy continued, “It’s okay, Mr. Barba.  I knew you’d like to have it.  That’s why I sent it to you.”

Rafael sat back down, stunned.  “It was you? You sent this to me? Why?”

 Lucy began to explain, “Because you care about her. I saw the way you looked at her that night. They say the eyes are the window to the soul.  It was in your eyes….and I see a side of Olivia that most people at her precinct don’t see.  Anytime Liv would mention your name, her demeanor changed. Her voice would soften and her shoulders relaxed. It was subtle but it was definitely there.  I don’t know how to explain it, Mr Barba…it’s as if she felt better or…..safer, that’s a good word, whenever you were mentioned. I don’t think she realizes she does it.  She’s been through so much, especially the past year.  She hasn’t really been happy for awhile and it was just nice when she’d speak about you…. she’d smile and it was genuine.  I haven’t seen her that happy in a very long time…not since she first brought Noah home.”

“Well Lucy, you are quite the perceptive young woman”, he responded.  “Thank you, for sending this.  You will never know what it’s meant to me….and don’t worry Lucy, it’ll be our secret.”

“Thank you, Mr. Barba”, she replied.  She excused herself to tend to Noah.  Lucy got Noah fed and ready for preschool.  Noah hugged his mommy, waved goodbye to Rafael and headed out the door with Lucy. 

Olivia turned to Rafael, “I’m not sure where we go from here”, she said.

Rafael asked, “May I make a suggestion?”

“Of course, please”, she responded.

Rafael continued, “Is there any chance you could take the day off?  I don’t have court today so I can have Carman clear my calendar.” He reached for Olivia’s hand and continued, “We could spend the day figuring things out….talking…and see where that leads us.”

“That sounds like a plan”, she said, smiling.  Rafael looked into her dark eyes and kept thinking how beautiful she looked.  He knew how lucky he was…not only that he’d known her but that she loved him.

He leaned in and kissed Olivia gently on the forehead.  Olivia, not wanting this moment to end, breathed in deeply, inhaling the moment and the scent of him.   When Rafael broke the kiss, she looked in his deep green eyes knowing she’d made the right decision.  She was in love with her best friend...and he loved her too.

 No matter what happened going forward they knew ….. they were best friends, they loved each other, and at this moment in time… this was all that mattered.

 

What happens next? Only time will tell.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. The Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place immediately after chapter 3, just a couple hours later.

Life had broken her, just like it had broken him. But when they got together, their pieces became whole. And they continued on their journey together, mended as one.  
~ Special thanks to Erica Gibbs @egibbs274 ~ 

Chapter 4  
It had been quite a night for Olivia and Rafael. It was all out in the open now...they loved each other. But where to go from here? If they attempted an "official" relationship, there were many things to consider...they would have to disclose to the DA and the Chief of Detectives, should Olivia's squad know about the relationship, and most importanly, Noah.  
If they attempted an "unofficial" relationship and didn't disclose, there was always the chance the powers that be would find out and if that happened, there was a better than even chance that one or both would be sanctioned. 

But there was a third option...they could remain colleagues and friends, and nothing more. 

After Olivia and Rafael's long evening of talking, they decided that they would each take the day off and spend it together. They needed to figure out where would they go from here.

Rafael had gone home, showered, changed into slacks and a polo shirt and returned to Olivia's apartment within an hour. Along with him he brought fresh pastries from his favorite Cuban bakery and cappuccino from Olivia's favorite coffee bar. When he returned, a freshly showered Olivia met him at the door and greeted him with a smile and a warm hug. Rafael was very receptive to the contact and he loved the feeling...the closeness of being near Olivia, and he couldn't help but notice the scent of her green apple shampoo. He inhaled a deep breath of it as he hugged her. Somehow it really suited her.

They made their way to the sofa. As they sat and ate, they talked....about the weather, Olivia talked about Noah, Rafael talked about Lucia. They both seemed to be avoiding the giant elephant in the room....what would they do, or not do about this newly revealed affection for each other. Do they dare attempt a relationship? Or, should they remain friends and colleagues, knowing that they both feel more for each other. 

"So", Rafael began, "have you thought about last night at all? Because you know, no matter what we decide, things will never be the same. What we talked about, what we....." Rafael's voice trailed off, unsure of where this conversation might go. He took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts. "All of this", he continued, ..."is this something you're okay with? Because you have more to think about, with Noah and I understand that, Liv."

Olivia touched the top of his hand, smiling, "Rafael, our conversation, you....us....I haven't thought about anything else." 

"Us?", he asked, "You've thought about....us? Does that mean.... " He looked at her, not wanting to assume too much. 

Olivia quickly responded, slipping her hand in his, "It means Rafael Barba, that I love you. I've waited my entire life to find you. You walked into my life when I least expected it but ultimately when I needed you the most. You have been beside me through some of the worst times of my life, some of the toughest times....and you were here for some of my happiest moments. We've only known each other for 5 years, but I can't remember life without you. I'm not willing to let you out walk out of my life. I know this relationship, going farther than colleagues, it would hold it's own level of challenges given our professional positions, and I know this won't be easy on a lot of levels but....I'm willing to give this a shot....if you are."

Rafael looked at this woman...the woman he was in love with but never in his wildest dreams thought would ever love him back....she was saying she wanted him. She wanted a relationship with him. Rafael took a chance and leaned into Olivia. Brushing a stray hair from her eyes, whispering to her "Willing? You are all I've ever wanted. Olivia, mi amor, eres tan hermosa. te quiero. Te refieres al mundo absoluto para mí. Te prometo que haré todo lo que pueda por hacerte feliz a Noah y tú" He gently touched her face with his fingertips and looked at those deep chocolate brown eyes that he frequently got lost in. But this time his eyes quickly trailed down to her lips. He had thought about it in the past but he could never work up enough nerve. But this moment was different. He closed his eyes and slowly touched his lips to hers.

Olivia could not believe how bold Rafael was being...but she loved it. The closer Rafael moved to Olivia, the faster her heart begain to beat. She began to breath heavily in anticipation. She could smell his cologne....she could smell him. For a split second she could feel his hot breath near her face. She didn't know if she should reach for him or just allow him to take the lead, but she was ready for whatever was about to happen. Then he breached the last inches of space between them. Rafael Barba had kissed her....softly and gently. Olivia melted the moment their lips met. She reached behind his head and gently caressed his neck. Their mouths opened slightly as they deepened their kiss. 

Rafael reached for her and began to gently run his hands through her hair. He could not believe he was kissing the woman of his dreams...the woman he moved to Manhattan for was in his arms and she was kissing him back. 

As they separated, Olivia was breathless, eyes still closed and Rafael was smiling. Rafael began, "That....was..."

"Amazing", Olivia interrupted in a whisper. "I knew our first kiss would be amazing."

Rafael looked surprised. "You've thought about our first kiss? Since when?", he asked, moving closer to Olivia on the sofa. He put his arm around her as she snuggled into his chest.  
Olivia looked up at him, "Does that surprise you, Counselor?" 

"Honestly, yeah it does" he answered. 

Olivia wrapped her arms around him and settled her head on that comfortable spot between his shoulders and chest. Rafael was gently caressing her arms and noticed that her body began to relax against his.  
"I've thought about a lot of things since last night", she continued. "How much time has been wasted...how much time I've wasted." She looked up at Rafael again. "Everything I've ever wanted, everything I've ever needed, it's been right in front of me. I just never took the time to see it." She smiled sweetly at him. "I feel safe with you, Rafael. This doesn't feel forced or, I don't know...like desperation on my part. Being with you, this feels....right."  
"This feels right because it is right", he answered. "You are my world, Olivia, Mi universo. You have been for a very long time. I'm just glad that now, I don't have to hide it from you anymore and I can tell you that I love you." 

After a few moments of sitting quietly, holding Olivia, he breached a new topic with her. "Have you thought about how Noah will react to this? I don't want my presence to upset him...or for him to think I'm somehow taking his mommy away, because you know I would never want him to think that and ..." 

Olivia stopped him in mid sentence, "Rafael, would you stop. Noah will be fine. Besides, it's not like you're a total stranger to him. He knows you, so you spending time here won't phase him....trust me." She reached her neck up and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

Rafael looked at Olivia and whispered, "Siempre eres mi chica."

Olivia smiled and said, "Yes, I am....forever your girl." 

Olivia and Rafael spent the rest of their day together talking....about their new found happiness and about their future...a future that they planned to spend together.


	5. The Disclosure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 takes place one day after Chapter 4

Friday morning came with a new sense of happiness for Olivia and Rafael. They were together. They were a couple. They decided they would take this relationship slowly. Olivia had phoned Fin as she left her apartment that morning and asked him to hold down the fort until she got there...there was something she needed to take care of before she headed to work and it had to be done before the Memorial Day Weekend.

Olivia arrived at the squad about 90 minutes later than her usual time. "Hey Lieu, you're late. Everything Okay", Carisi asked as she walked toward her office. 

"Yeah Carisi, everything's fine". She turned to her number two. "Fin, can I see you please....my office?" Olivia walked toward her office and Fin followed behind her, unsure of what his boss wanted. She set her bags on her desk and turned toward Fin, "Could you shut the door, please?" Fin shut the door behind him, looking concerned.  
"What's going on, Liv. Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No", she responded, "I just...I needed to talk to you, um, about me actually." She sat at her desk and continued. "What I'm going to tell you, this conversation needs to stay in this office. I don't want Carisi and Rollins to know, at least not yet."

"Damn Liv, you're not leaving us are you?", Fin asked.

"Oh no, you're stuck with me for a long time", she answered. "I just came from at meeting in Chief Dodds office where I ..... disclosed to him a relationship that I recently began. That's why I'm telling you, Fin, is because this relationship, it directly affects SVU and you being my number two, and my friend, I felt you needed to know."

"A new relationship, huh", Fin said smiling...."with who?"  
Olivia took a breath before answering "Ah, Rafael Barba."  
Fin sat down, looking stunned, "You and the counselor?"

Olivia gave half of a laugh, "Yeah, me and the counselor", she said, smiling. "You're not the only one surprised, Fin. So, you understand why this needs to stay between us for the time being."  
Fin responded, "Look Liv, you know I've always been in your corner, even with Tucker. You and I have worked together a long time and I know you've been to hell and back. As your number two, it won't go any farther then me. You have my word. Now, as your friend.... It's about damn time he wised up, Liv."

Olivia looked puzzled, "Excuse me?"  
"Liv, it was obvious to anyone who paid attention that the counselor had feelings for you. I'm just glad he finally had the nerve to tell you", Fin responded.  
"Actually, I told him first", she answered. 

Just then there was a knock. Rollins opened the office door and popped her head in "Hey Lieutenant, sorry to interrupt. Carisi needs you for a second and Barba is here."  


"Okay, thanks Rollins", Liv responded. As Rollins opened the door wider, Barba came in behind her, nodding to Fin. Fin returned the gesture, but with his patent Tutuola smirk. Rafael looked at his girlfriend and in the most professional tone he could muster said, "Liv, you got a minute?"

"Sure. Ah, let me deal with Carisi." she replied. She left to attend to whatever Carisi wanted, giving Barba and Fin time to talk. She made sure to close the door behind her.  
The two men looked at each other for what seemed like forever. Fin finally broke the silence. "So counselor, Liv tells me congratulations are in order." 

"Excuse me?", Barba replied.  
"Liv told me about you two", Fin said. Barba's face went pale. "Don't worry counselor, you're secret is safe with me." Fin paused for a second then continued. "Counselor, Liv and I have been friends for years and she's been through more than her share of bad times. I've seen her hurt more often than I care to remember. She deserves much better than what she's had. I've never butted my nose into Liv's relationships before, even when I knew they were headed for disaster, and I won't butt in this time. Just promise me you'll do right by her, counselor." Fin walked closer to Barba and in a hushed tone continued, "It's not any secret to me that you've been interested in her for a while. She is my boss...but she's been my friend a lot longer. Just please be good to her....that's all I'm asking."  
Barba looked relieved that Fin wasn't about to reveal their secret. He knew how close Fin and Olivia had always been. They were co-workers but also old friends. Barba knew Fin's concern for Olivia was genuine. He reached out his hand to the newly appointed Sergeant, "I would never hurt Olivia. I promise you that, Fin." They shook hands, just as Liv walked back into her office. She was caught a bit off guard by her number two and her boyfriend shaking hands. She tentatively asked, "Barba, Fin, is everything okay?"

Fin spoke up first, "Yeah, we're all good Liv."  
Olivia, looking relieved, addressed her number two, " Fin, I think Carisi needs your help with Vi-Cap."  
Fin, realizing he was now the third wheel quickly excused himself and closed the office door behind him.

"Well that was interesting", Rafael replied.  
"Yeah, what was all that about?", Olivia asked.  
"Your number two is concerned.....that you'll get hurt. He asked me to be good to you..." Rafael began to smile, "...and that will not be hard to do."

Olivia also realizing she was smiling, quickly changed the subject. "So, how did your meeting go with the DA?"  
"As well as can be expected.", he bagan, "I disclosed the relationship and proceeded to get a 45 minute lecture on the possible problems that could occur. Then he made it a point to let me know that we will be watched." He walked closer to Olivia. "He just wants to make sure our cases aren't compromised."  
"So, you got the same basic speech that I got from Chief Dodds. Well, we will just have to make sure we don't let....us...interfere with our work.", Olivia replied.

"So, are we still good for tomorrow night?", Rafael asked.  
Smiling, Olivia replied, "Yes we are. Lucy is taking Noah to her mother's in New Jersey tomorrow afternoon. She'll bring him home Sunday so we can all spend Memorial Day together, and you and I will have our first official date tomorrow night. Are you going to let me in on what we're doing yet?"  
"If I did, it wouldn't be a surprise now would it Lieutenant?" 

Just then Rafael's phone beeped. Rafael read the incoming text message and told his girlfriend, "It's Carmen. I need to get back to the office." He looked up at Olivia. "I'll call you later."  
"I'll be waiting", she replied with a smile. 

Rafael returned to his office and Olivia tried to get her mind off of the ADA. Both spent the day in anticipation of tomorrow evening. Both had their own ideas of how they wanted the evening to go. What they didn't know, a knock at Olivia's door could throw their new found love into chaos.


	6. The First Date

Chapter 6

Olivia woke up Saturday morning with a lot on her mind. She had to have Noah packed for his overnighter with Lucy at her mother's house, she had to stop and get her favorite dress from the dry cleaners, and she had to get ready for her first date with her new boyfriend, Rafael. That phrase seemed odd to Olivia, "my boyfriend, Rafael". But it didn't matter how it sounded, she loved him and she wanted him in her life.

Lucy picked up Noah at 1pm right after lunch and they headed to her mother's house in New Jersey. Olivia walked them out so she could run her errand to the dry cleaners. On her way back, all she could think about was the impending evening with Rafael. She wasn't only curious about where he was taking her, but she had to admit...she was excited. She was excited to be going out with Rafael, but she was also curious as to where these evening and this relationship might lead. She hurried home and spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready. Her intention was to knock the socks off of Rafael. 

Rafael was usually cool as a cucumber anytime he was in court. Anything the judge or defense threw at him, he handled without so much as a blink. Today, Rafael was a nervous mess. He was up early and on the phone, making certain everything he had planned for Olivia went off without a hitch. He wanted to impress Olivia, sure. After all, he waited 5 years for this to happen. But truth be told, he wanted to give Olivia an evening she'd never forget. His mission was to give her everything good thing she deserved and he was pulling out all the stops to make that happen.

They had planned to meet at 6pm. Right on time, Rafael knocked on Olivia's door. Olivia opened the door and there stood the man she loved....wearing a sharp black Armani tuxedo with one dozen of the most beautiful roses and a very large smile. Rafael looked at Olivia and the only words the Harvard educated attorney could muster was a very genuine, "Wow!" 

"Wow?" she responded. "I guess that means you approve, Rafael?" Olivia looked beyond beautiful in her simple black dress that came almost to the floor in the back but in the front was cut to show a bit more of her lower legs. She had decided to sweep her hair up with just a few hanging strands in the front, which wasn't something she did very often. Along with some simple silver earrings, Olivia was stunning and Rafael made sure she knew that.  
"Approve?” he began, " Odios mio, mi amor you are by far the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Olivia couldn’t help but blush at his beautiful words and Rafael noticed. To try and put her at ease, he took her hand, kissed it gently and softly said. "Olivia, you are so beautiful." He handed her the roses and said, "Flowers for my lady." 

Olivia took the flowers, smiling and thanked him, "Rafael, they're lovely, thank you." and with that she gave him a peck gently on the cheek. She pulled away and when she did, Rafael and Olivia were eye to eye. They looked at each other for only a moment until they moved almost in unison toward each other. The kiss was sweet and innocent but it sent a tingle down Rafael's spine and Olivia became lightheaded for a moment. This reaction was new to both of them. Olivia whispered, "Wow." Rafael smiled, "Indeed." After Rafael cleared his head, he asked Olivia, "Shall we go, Ms. Benson?" Olivia looked at him as he was holding out his arm to her. She grabbed her clutch and her wrap, reached out for Rafael's arm and responded, "We shall." With that, Olivia Benson and Rafael Barba were a real couple on their first date.

As they rode down the elevator of Olivia's building and headed out the lobby door, Olivia saw, parked on the street a black stretch limo. Upon seeing them exit the building, the driver opened the back door and said "Welcome, ma'am." Olivia was floored that Rafael would go to all of this trouble for her. "Rafael, you rented a limo? You do know we could have easily taken a cab, right?"  
"No we couldn't have.", he responded, gently kissing her hand. "Not tonight and not for mi hermosa dama." Rafael gestured her into the back of the limo. Rafael followed her and the limo pulled away.  
As Olivia settled into her seat she turned to Rafael, "This is quite extraordinary, Rafael. I can't even imagine what you have planned for the rest of the evening."

Rafael gently touched Olivia's face and answered, "Patience, Mi precioso ángel" Olivia smiled at his response. She loved it whenever he spoke Spanish to her, and his words were always so incredibly beautiful.  
As the limo made its way across Manhattan, within a few minutes it pulled up to W 51st Street and stopped at Le Bernardin, a very chic and very expensive French restaurant. As the limo pulled up, Olivia recognized the restaurant and she turned to her boyfriend, smiling. "Rafael, La Bernadin?" Rafael never said a word. He just smiled as the driver opened the back door. Rafael stepped out and then helped out his girlfriend. As they began to walk into the restaurant, he took Olivia's hand into his and whispered, "You deserve this and so much more." Olivia looked at this man who she just confessed her love for a few days before. She didn't know what she did to deserve a man like Rafael. What she didn't fully understand was that Rafael felt the same way about her. She was his everything. He couldn't control what tomorrow would bring to the love of his life, but for one night, on this night, he was going to make certain that everything for them would be perfect. 

As they entered the restaurant, the Maître D' looked at Rafael and greeted him with "Good evening, Sir." "Good evening", Rafael replied. "Reservation for Barba." After looking on his list he replied. "Oh yes, Mr. Barba...private dining room, Les Salons Bernardin. Right this way." The Maître D' led them one floor above the main dining room. It was elegantly decorated with the most beautiful table setting....and it was empty. Olivia quickly asked, "Rafael? You rented a private dining room?" 

"Only the best for el amor de mi vida", he replied. They were seated across from each other. The private waiter quickly brought their menus. Rafael ordered Dom Perignon and told his girlfriend to order whatever she'd like to have for dinner. "Lo que sus deseos del corazón", he told her.  
Olivia and Rafael had a wonderful meal...they talked about everything. There was no subject that was off limits. Some moments they were actually laughing. There were several times when they found themselves gazing into each other’s eyes, holding hands and just enjoying the time together. After they finished their dessert and coffee, Rafael paid the bill. He turned to his girlfriend and asked, "Are you ready for your next adventure?"  
"There's more?" Looking at him with a very coy smile she asked him, " What do you have up your sleeve, Rafa?", she asked. Rafael looked at her with a bit of shock, "Did you just call me Rafa?"  
"I did. Is that okay?", Olivia asked. Rafael took her hand, kissed her palm and told her "It's more than okay." Looking in Olivia's eyes he whispered to her, "I love you Olivia." 

Olivia gently palmed his face and said, "I love you, Rafael. Now, let's get out of here." And with that they were back in their limo. It was just a quick drive of 5 blocks until their limo pulled up in front of the Richard Rogers Theater. Olivia gasped and her eyes lit up when she realized what was next for them. "Rafael! How did you... Hamilton? These tickets are impossible to get!"  
Rafael smiled, "I called in a few favors in the DA's office." He kissed her cheek. " I told you mi dulce, I have a lot of friends."  
Olivia replied, smiling, "I didn't know my man had so much pull in New York City." With a flirting look in her eyes she leaned over and gave her man a very gentle, soft kiss. "Your man", he whispered. "I like the sound of that." Olivia smiled. "So do I." She looked up as the limo door opened and whispered, "Ah Rafael, the driver is waiting on us." Rafael turned and looked at a very embarrassed driver. "Right", he whispered. 

As they entered the theater, Olivia and Rafael were escorted to their seats...third row center orchestra section. They settled into their seats and Olivia looked at this man she loved and was amazed at all of the planning he had done to make sure their first date was indeed memorable....it was everything she loved. She had never been taken care of like this before and she welcomed every minute of it. Rafael wasn't overbearing, he understood about her career and how important it was to her, he understood that Noah was the center of her life, and most importantly, he listened to her. He understood her in a way no other man ever had before. As the curtain went up, Olivia reached over to take Rafael's hand. She maintained physical contact with Rafael all throughout the performance. She made sure she held his hand or kept her hand on his leg. She loved this man like she'd never loved anyone before.  
Rafael could not believe how physically attentive Oliva was being with him, and in public. He adored her. He never wanted to push her into something she was in any way uncomfortable with. That's why he'd waited patiently...for five years. This woman...the joy on her face....this night...it was all worth waiting for.

After the performance ended and the final curtain call, Rafael and Olivia made their way back to the limo. Oliva turned to Rafael and asked him, "Rafa, if I asked you to do something for me, would you do it?"  
Standing just feet away from their limo, they stopped, Rafael turned to her and caressed her cheek, "Name it, mi amor." She looked at him dead in the eyes, "Take me home."  
"Home?", he asked, a bit confused. "You're not....I thought you were having...." Rafael began to stammer, unsure of where this was coming from. Olivia put her finger over his lips. "You didn't let me finish, Rafael." She gently cupped his face. "Take me home....and take me to bed."

Rafael's eyes suddenly got very wide. "To..bed? He smiled slightly. Olivia are you sure about this? We agreed to take this relationship slowly...I don't want you to ever think...."  
Just then, Olivia leaned into Rafael and slowly kissed him with the most sultry kiss he had ever experienced. She broke the kiss long enough to whisper to him, "Rafael, I love you. I know you would never push me into anything I was uncomfortable with. I want you....I want to make love to you....tonight." 

Rafael told the driver the last stop of the evening would be Ms. Benson's apartment. During the limo ride back to Olivia's, they began kissing in the back seat. The longer it took to get to Olivia's apartment, the more passionate their make-out session became. It was soon clear to both of them that Rafael was incredibly turned on by all of it. Olivia broke the kiss as they pulled up to her building and smiled, "Ah...those tuxedo pants a little uncomfortable, counselor?" She gave him an innocent yet coy smile. She was teasing him, and he loved it. Looking at her beautiful face he quipped, "You'll pay for that, Lieutenant." She responded, "I'd expect nothing less from you, Mr. Barba."  
Olivia and Rafael made it up to her apartment at light speed. Olivia slid her key into the lock and as she began to turn the key Rafael moved closer to her with his front to her back. He slid his hands around her waist. She immediately felt the fullness of his arousal, adjusting her hips backward into him and with a slight moan she whispered, "Rafael, you're driving me crazy." He began kissing the back of her neck, "This is just the beginning, mi amor. Dios mío, you are so beautiful." 

As they made their way through the door and it shut behind them, Rafael spun Olivia around and lightly pinned her against the door. He looked at the woman of his dreams, stroking her beautiful face he whispered, "Liv, if you're not sure about this...." He stopped mid-sentence, looking into her eyes, and with that she grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him into her, kissing him with more passion than either had ever experienced before. "I love you, Rafael....I'm sure." 

She began to remove his tuxedo jacket as he loosened his tie, all while never breaking eye contact. The sexual tension between them was mounting by the second. Rafael took down Olivia's upswept hair and gently ran his fingers through her chestnut locks, he couldn't help himself any longer. He pulled her closer, passionately kissing her...slowly at first and soon he felt her allow their tongues to explore the heat of one another's mouths. Olivia began moving along with Rafael in the direction of her bedroom. By the time they reached Olivia's room, Rafael's jacket and tie were off and shirt untucked and unbuttoned. Rafael reached behind Olivia and very slowly began to unzip her dress. As he slid the zipper of her dress, she felt his other hand slowly caress down her back. She moaned quietly and her body instinctively fell into his. She began kissing his neck and nibbling his ears. "I want you Rafa", she whispered quietly.

Olivia moved away from Rafael just enough for him to slid her now unzipped dress down her body. As the dress fell to the floor, Rafael witnessed the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Underneath her dress, Olivia was wearing a black satin push up bra with black satin panties lined with lace. Rafael looked over every inch of her curvy, beautiful body and slowly caressed down the sides of her waist to her stomach. Olivia held onto Rafael's arms, closed her eyes and let her self enjoy the feeling of Rafael's hands slowly moving down her body. The sensations she was feeling at that moment were explosive. She looked deep into Rafael's eyes. "I think you're overdressed, counselor", she whispered as she removed his belt and tuxedo pants. The feeling of Olivia undressing Rafael was almost more than he could handle. She was driving him crazy. Rafael pulled Olivia closer, slowly kissing her and feeling every inch of her body. Olivia kept Rafael pulled tightly against her. She longed for that closeness, and she longed for the warmth of his body.

As they made their way to the bed, he gently laid Olivia down and she quickly pulled him on top of her. She wanted him and she wanted him now. Rafael looked at Olivia's beautiful face and told her, "I love Olivia, you are my world. You are all I've ever wanted." 

Olivia whispered, "I love you Raf...only you. It's always been you." She slid her hands around the back of Rafael's neck and began to sensually kiss him. She felt Rafael's hands move to slowly take the bra straps off of her shoulders. He reached underneath her and unhooked her bra, slowly taking it off. The site of Olivia's breasts made Rafael's breath hitch. "My God, you are so beautiful...my beautiful Olivia. He slowly began to kiss Olivia's neck, making his way to her collarbone. As he kissed the top of her breast, Olivia breathed in deeply in anticipation of what she knew was coming. Rafael gently began to massage her left breast while kissing and gently sucking on her right. Olivia let out a breathy moan and her body began to melt into the sensations she was experiencing. Rafael slowly kissed his way down her stomach, to her hips. He kissed down one of her legs and back up the other. Olivia began to squirm beneath him, wanting him so badly she began to ache. "Rafael, please...please", she began to beg him. He quickly replied, "Shhh...Déjame amarte. Déjame cuidarte. Esta noche se trata de ti, mi hermosa bebé."  
Rafael started back at her belly button and slowly kissed down her stomach until he reached the top of her panties. He gently kissed over every inch of her now wet panties. He looked up at her just as he began to slowly slide her panties off. He kissed the inside of her legs and trailed down to her mound. He began to gently kiss the top and lightly began to kiss her clitoris. 

Olivia's back arched with the unbelievable sensation. As Rafael began to lick every inch of her core, Olivia began to moan louder and louder as the minutes passed. She finally couldn't wait any longer and she pleaded with him, "Rafael please...I need you inside me. Please Raf." With a slight smile on his face, knowing he was pleasing Olivia, he kissed his way back up Olivia's body until he reached her mouth. She grabbed him and again appealed to him, "Raf please...I want you." He looked at her and said, "Tu lo eres por mi vida Eres todo lo que siempre he querido. Te amo más de lo que puedes saber."

He felt himself line up to Olivia and very gently penetrated her. Both moaned in unison. It was happening...what they had both longed for. Olivia and Rafael were now one. As both of them came to climax, Rafael could feel Olivia's body begin to shake and convulse underneath him. He could feel her clamping down on his now rock hard arousal and he exploded deep into her. Both of them were still breathing heavily and trying to catch their breath. As he rolled onto his side, he noticed a tear streaming down Olivia's face. He began to worry...had he hurt her..did she regret what had just happened? 

"Olivia, mi amor, are you crying?", he asked. "I'm sorry Rafael", she began, "I'm so happy. I can't believe I just made love to you. I love you so much. I never dreamed I would ever find someone like you."  
"So these are happy tears?", he asked as he wiped the tear from her cheek.  
She touched the side of his face, "The happiest."

He held her for the rest of the night as they fell off into blissful slumber. As he held the woman of his dreams in his arms, he watched her slowly fall asleep. He whispered "I love you Olivia", certain she was asleep. Olivia smiled softly, kissed Rafael's hand and said, "I love you, too." They both drifted off into euphoric sleep.  
When Olivia woke up the next morning, she looked at the clock and it said 8am. She smiled, rolled over and found a cold, empty bed. As she shook the morning cobwebs from her head, she realized she smelled coffee and was hearing noises from the kitchen. She slipped on a robe and walked out to the kitchen to find Rafael fixing what was supposed to be a surprise breakfast in bed for the couple. 

"Good morning beautiful", he said with a smile. She walked over to him, wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed her man. "Good morning handsome", she answered. "This all smells so good. I'm starving." Rafael snickered, "Well, you did work up quite the appetite last night."  
"Yeah, well, I had a little help with that", she replied. She leaned in and kissed him, fully prepared to start from where they’d left off last night. That is until there was a knock at the door. Rafael was startled, "Is Lucy back already with Noah?" 

"She's not supposed to be back until after 1pm", she answered.

"Maybe I should go put some pants on", he replied. As Rafael found the clothes they had tossed throughout the apartment last night, Olivia went to see who was knocking on her door at 8am. Thinking it was Lucy home early, she opened the door without looking through the peep hole. When she did, she saw a ghost standing in front of her. It was as if her past had come back to slap her in the face….the wind was knocked out of her.

"Hi Olivia", was all she heard. 

"Oh my God", she replied..... "Elliot...."?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note: I realize the love scene was not as detailed as a lot of FF. That was done purposely. It wasn't so much in this story about the details of the actual sex but more about the fact that they were now truly as one and the love that has come from that.


	7. A Ghost from the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is so long in coming. Life happened...and then the holidays happened...
> 
> I will be continuing the story after SVU resumes on Jan 3, 2018. My intention is to jump the story forward the several months from the end of Season 18 to as close to the current season as possible...but we'll see how that goes.

Chapter 7

Olivia looked as if she had been punched in the gut and was feeling light-headed from lack of oxygen...she had forgotten to breath. The last person in the world she ever expected to see again was standing in her doorway, her old partner, Elliot Stabler. They both stood there in uncomfortable silence for what seemed like several minutes before Elliot finally broke the deafening quiet, "Liv, are you okay? Liv?" He reached out to touch her arm and that contact shook her from her stunned state. She instinctively pulled away when she felt his contact. She answered, "What? Yeah, yeah Elliot I'm fine but what are you doing here? I don't hear a word from you in forever and you show at my door? And how did you know where I lived, now? And what the hell do.... "

"Liv! Liv!”, Elliot interrupted her, "If you'll calm down and stop talking I can explain. Can I come in or is that too presumptuous?" Olivia closed her eyes, mostly to try and calm herself. "It's not a good time." Olivia looked over her shoulder as she wrapped her robe tighter around herself, half hoping Rafael would come out of the bedroom and half hoping he wouldn't. Elliot realized she had company...male company. "Oh, I see", he said in a semi-disappointed tone. "Well could you meet me for coffee later? Please Liv, we really need to talk and..."  
"Olivia?" A now fully dressed Rafael walked from the bedroom to the front door. "Amor de bebe..Who’s at the door?" At that moment, Olivia had such a mix of emotions. She took a deep breath before answering. "Rafael Barba, this is Elliot Stabler, my ex-partner." Rafael looked at Elliot knowing exactly who he was and now understanding why Olivia was suddenly so uncomfortable. Rafael reached out his hand, "Hello Elliot. I've...heard a lot about you." 

Elliot, unsure of who this man was or how he knew about him was cordial, "Good to meet you. So you're a friend of Olivia's"  
Olivia quickly interrupted, "Elliot! Please..."

Rafael stepped in, making up an excuse to try to get Olivia out of the situation. "Olivia, if we are going to brunch before Noah gets back, we should probably get a move on." Olivia excused herself from Elliot to speak to Rafael privately. "Rafa, can you please go to the barista and get us some coffee. I just need a couple of minutes. Please baby."

"I hate to leave you alone with him. Olivia, are you sure about this? Because if you want me to stay, you know I will.", he answered.  
"Rafa, I know you love me and I love you more than you'll ever understand. Yes, I'm sure. It'll be fine", she assured him. "There are a few things he and I need to clear up."

Rafael reluctantly left to run the errand for Olivia. He was sure to mention that he would be only be a few minutes, partly to reassure Olivia and partly to warn Elliot. Olivia allowed Elliot in, each walking to her living room where Olivia didn't waste any time.  
"Ok Elliot, you have ten minutes. Now why are you here and what the hell could you possibly want from me?" 

Elliot began to try and explain. "Olivia, look I know you're angry and you have every right to be. I should have never shut you out like I did. But please try and understand it from my perspective. I knew my career with NYPD was over. I killed Jenna...and it took me a long time to work through that. I knew I could never come back to the squad. Once I did decide to retire, things at home got even worse than they had ever been when I was on the force. Kathy and I used to fight all the time because she said I spent too much time at work. Once I retired, we fought because I was spending all my time at home. She left me two years ago."

Olivia, already seething at the fact he showed up unannounced at her apartment, became angrier with every word he spoke. "Elliot, I'm not your shrink. Now what the hell do you want? This is me you're talking to Elliot. Why are you really here?"  
Elliot stepped forward and closed the distance between the two. Olivia unconsciously stepped back and became a bit on guard. She knew Elliot would never hurt her but she was still very uncomfortable as to where this was leading. Elliot continued to explain, "See, the thing is Liv, and I finally realized that my marriage problems weren't really because of my job. It was more about you...specifically my feelings toward you. It wasn't any secret to anyone, including Kathy, how we felt about each other. Yes we were partners but it was...deeper. We were friends, best friends...and I loved you Olivia. I still do. No one knows you better than I do, Liv." Elliot began to snicker, "Not even your Spanish dandy. I never pegged that as your type, Liv."

Olivia fumed with every word that came out of Elliot's mouth. Without thinking, she stepped closer to Elliot, raised her right hand and slapped his face with so much force that his lip began to bleed. She started to lay into Elliot in a way that had never happened before.  
"Elliot Stabler, you son of a bitch! We worked together for 12 years. You left NYPD and I didn't hear anything from you. I tried to call when you left but you never returned any of my calls. I've heard zilch from you for nearly 6 years and now you show up at my apartment out of the blue. You come into my home and insult the only man I could count on for the last 5 years...the only man I have put all my trust in that has never disappointed me. You want to know the difference between you and Rafael? He is the only man who has never let me down."  
She began to move closer to Elliot to the point of being in his face. "Your problems with Kathy have nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. You turned your back on me, walked out of my life and now, after all this time, you expect me to drop everything and upset the life I've finally built for myself because you came to some sort of an epiphany? I don't know who the hell you think you are, Elliot Stabler but I don't owe you a damn thing." She stepped back and pointed, "There's the door." 

Elliot was shocked. He'd never seen this side of Olivia. He'd seen her angry, even at him...but this was different. There was a resolve in Olivia that he'd never seen before. It was a confidence, a togetherness that had never shown its self before. He tried to apologize to her, "Olivia, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you two were that serious...I'm..." 

He stumbled to find the right words. "I apologize Liv. I don't know what else to say to you."  
Olivia looked him dead in the eye. "Good bye, Elliot." 

Just then Rafael came back with his and Olivia's coffee. As he walked toward Olivia, he could see how upset she was. Her face was red and flushed. He also noticed the swollen lip on Elliot. "Olivia, te lastimo?"  
"No, Rafa, I'm fine", she said. "Elliot was just leaving." 

If looks could kill, Elliot would have dropped dead right then and there at the look Olivia shot his way. As Elliot moved forward to leave, Rafael instinctively stepped in front of Olivia. Elliot opened the front door to leave but suddenly stopped. He turned to face Olivia and told her, "Liv, I am sorry...for I what said, for shutting you out for all these years, for all of it." He looked as if he wanted to say more but lost all ability to speak. As he stepped out the door, he softly whispered, "I'm sorry."

With that, Elliot Stabler walked out of Olivia Benson's life one more time. 

As Elliot closed the door, Rafael looked at Olivia and at that same moment, she ran into Rafael's arms. "Rafa, hold me. Please."  
Rafael wrapped his arms around the woman he loved, stroking her back and reassuring her that everything would be okay. "Mi amor, I'm here. I'm here love." He could tell that she was softly crying so he just quietly held her for several minutes. Eventually, he began to feel her relax. He whispered in her ear, "Liv, are you okay? What happened with Elliot?" He pulled away and cradled her face in his hands. "Baby, if you want to talk about this, I'm here...I'll always be here."

Tears began running down Olivia's face. But they weren't sad tears. These were tears of happiness and tears of gratitude and tears of relief. "I know you're here Rafa. You've always been here for me. You stayed and you waited when most people would have walked away. I know how lucky I am to have you in my life, Rafael Barba and I love you so much....so much." Olivia wiped away her tears and assured Rafael that she was okay. Olivia continued, "And as far as Elliot Stabler is concerned, he's the past. He is....history. He wanted me to relive his colluded idea of what is in the past but my heart's in the present....and in the future. You're my present, Rafa, and you are my future."  
Just then the front door keyed turned as Lucy returned with Noah. Olivia leaned into Rafael and quietly told him, "I'll tell you about all of this..."  
"Tonight?", Rafael asked, with a raised eyebrow and a gleam in his eye. Olivia smiled, knowing how much Rafael loved her and how right her decision had been to admit her feelings for him.

"Tonight.", she responded, with a smile on her face.

Olivia, Rafael and Noah spent the remainder of the long holiday weekend together, happy and as a family. Rafael did his best to get to know Noah better and Olivia was happier than she had ever been. She knew it was all because of Rafael. They had gone through their first challenge as a couple with the Elliot incident and he was still here with her...standing beside her, with no intention of leaving. For the first time in her life, Olivia felt secure, safe, and that everything in her life was right.


	8. Life Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter continues the summer of 2017 and into the beginning of 2018.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As all of us are acutely aware, the February 7, 2018 episode of SVU was something that NO ONE was expecting and many of us are still incredibly angry about. Not that Raul, according to accounts, chose to leave SVU, but in the way the writers chose to formulate his exit. These are supposedly "professional" writers with years of experience. Yet, they chose to brand Rafael Barba of all characters, as a "baby killer." This was a completely uncreative and lazy way to expedite his departure. 
> 
> Many people have since written their own stories about how they would have liked this episode to go... . 
> 
> This is mine...
> 
> ********************

Life for Olivia, Rafael and Noah calmed down over the next few months. During the summer of 2017, all three spent more and more time together as a family but Rafael also made sure that he and Olivia had time for just the two of them. Several couple get aways for Olivia and Rafael and a family vacation to Disney World had brought all three closer together. Noah was getting very comfortable with the fact that "Uncle Rafa" was becoming much more important in his life....and in his mother's life. Rafael and Olivia's relationship had grown stronger and stronger in the ensuing months and they were both happier than either had ever been before. However, as fall came around it was apparent that Murphy's Law had parked it's self at the Barba/Benson doorstep. 

The new school year started off for Noah and with that came a call to Olivia about a bruise on Noah's arm. On his first day of school, Noah had walked in front of a cab and Olivia pulled him to safety before the cab could hit him. Working at SVU for 19 years, Olivia certainly understood that as a school, they were a mandatory reporter. But she never in a million years thought she would ever be called in front of CPS to answer questions regarding allegations of abusing her own son. To make matters even worse, one of Olivia's former lovers, Brian Cassidy was now working for the DA's office as an investigator. It was Brian who was assigned to Olivia's case. There would never have been an investigation past the initial questioning, but because of Brian's report, Child Protective Services got deeper involved.  
The bogus abuse claim was, of course dropped. Before Olivia and Rafael could even catch their breath, Olivia had another punch to the stomach. As it turned out, Noah's birth mother, Ellie Porter had lied about her family. Although her father was deceased, her mother was alive and well and living in New Hampshire....Sheila Porter. 

Sheila had shown up on Olivia's doorstep unannounced to claim her grandson. She went so far as to take Olivia to court to try and overturn Noah's adoption. When that move didn't work, Sheila changed her tactics and slowly got Olivia to trust her...and to trust her being alone with Noah. Of course, it was all a ploy. After several months, Sheila put her real plan into action and arranged to have Noah kidnapped. It seemed like nothing was going to stop Sheila...that is except the entire NYPD, the Special Victims Unit and Rafael Barba. Truth is, if Rafael hadn't contacted Sheila's New York attorney and gotten the name of Sheila's PI from her, Noah may not have been found because Sheila had taken Noah out of state. Olivia doesn't know what she would ever do without Rafael. But, as it happened, she nearly found out.

********************

At the beginning of 2018, Olivia had called Rafael in on a kidnapping case that was being handled by SVU. For Olivia it was just another case but for Rafael, it became much more. For him, it became the resurrection of old demons.  
Olivia began to fill Rafa in on the details, "The father, Aaron Householder, kidnapped his infant son, Drew. The mother, Maggie, has custody. Drew has Mitochondrial DNA Breakdown. He is on life support and according to the doctors, there is no brain activity but they believe baby Drew does feel pain. The parents are currently involved in pending litigation against each other. Drew's father wants to keep him alive at all costs but mother Maggie wants to follow the doctor's advice and end his suffering so she's petitioned the court to allow her to remove Drew's life support. Aaron is fighting that potion in court so he kidnapped baby Drew to keep him alive"

Rafa was visibly shaken by the details of the case as Olivia was going through them and she noticed. "Rafa?" He didn't respond to her. He kept staring at Aaron Householder through the one way glass of the interrogation room from Olivia's office. She repeated herself but Rafa's mind was lost. Olivia shut her office door and closed the window blinds. She walked over to him, touching his arm and then his hand to try and snap him out of whatever was going on with him. Quietly she repeated, "Rafa...honey? What's wrong?" 

Rafa blinked several times, coming out of whatever fog he was in, "What?" He took her hand and then dropped it. "Yeah, ahh...ok. Give me your DD5's and I'll arraign him in the morning." At that moment he was very cold and distant with Olivia, something that was very out of character for Rafael. As he picked up his briefcase to leave he turned around to Olivia, "Where is the baby now?"  
Olivia responded, "Mercy Hospital PICU. His mother should be with him." Rafael nodded his head and left her office in an obvious state of confusion. 

Rafael went immediately from Olivia's office to Mercy Hospital. He walked into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit where he found Maggie at Drew's bedside. Rafael introduced himself, "Mrs. Householder, I'm ADA Rafael Barba. I'll be prosecuting your husband for child endangerment, parental interference and kidnapping" He stopped and looked down at baby Drew, hooked up to all manner of tubes, IV's and a breathing machine. Rafael was physically shaken at what he was seeing. In a whisper he asked, "How is Drew doing?" 

Maggie began to explain. "The doctors say he's stable for now. The machines are doing all the work for him. He can't breathe without that damn thing; he can't eat on his own..." She began to breakdown. "My son is suffering, Mr. Barba. Every day is just one more day of pain this innocent little boy has to endure." Maggie sat down as Rafael sat next to her. "When I was about 5 months pregnant, the doctors said this was a possibility. Aaron wanted me to have an abortion but I refused. I was the one who wanted to do the right thing, the righteous thing. I said we should give him a chance. I said that he deserved a chance." 

She wiped away tears that were now streaming down her face. "Look at him Mr. Barba. There is not a day that he is not in excruciating pain. He can't eat or breathe on his own. He will never know what it's like to go to school or have a birthday party or have friends. This is his life, Mr. Barba. He's been sentenced to an existence of lying in a bed strapped to machines until he dies. I did that to him. I insisted he be born, I did that to him!" Maggie looked at Rafael with desperation in her eyes, "Why can't he die? Why can't he just die?" 

Rafael shook his head, his eyes filling with tears. Maggie collapsed into his arms, grieving for the son she loved, the son that was suffering, the son she could do nothing to help. She apologized, "I'm sorry, Mr. Barba. Excuse me...I need some air." She stepped out of the unit and left Rafael sitting in the semi dark room.

As Rafael sat alone, he contemplated what, if anything should he do. Rafael was not necessarily an over religious man, but he had been raised Catholic, although he was no longer a practicing one. He got up and walked over to Drew's bedside. He said a silent prayer. This was something he hadn't done in nearly 30 years. Rafael had a jumble of emotions running through him...fear, anger, disillusionment, helplessness. After several minutes, a sense of calm washed over Rafael as his resolution came. He gently took baby Drew's small hand as he looked down at his sweet face and immobile body. He stared at the still little boy for a few minutes then turned to leave, comfortable with the decision he'd made.

As he left the PICU, he stopped, closed his eyes and quietly said, "Te amo, mi nino. Lo siento, hijo. Lo siento."  
Rafael left the hospital and went back to his office. Once there he sent a quick email and then told Carmen he would be out of the office for the remainder of the day.  
This child...this case would be the end for ADA Rafael Barba and he knew it. 

********************  
Olivia had been working on the DD5's all day to prepare the file for Rafael's arraignment of Aaron Householder. The day was beginning to wind down and Olivia was finishing up when she got an unexpected visitor...District Attorney Jack McCoy.  
"Mr. McCoy?" Olivia was surprised to see him. Her first thought was this was about her and Rafael's relationship. "What can I do for you?"  
McCoy shut her office door and pulled a piece of paper from his jacket pocket, "Have you heard from Rafael today, Olivia?"

Olivia looked a bit surprised by this question. "I saw him this morning, He was here and I was filling him in on the details of the Householder case. Is everything okay?"  
"I was going to ask you the same thing." Jack handed Olivia the piece of paper and continued, "Rafael emailed this to me today. He's resigning from the District Attorney's office."  
Olivia took the piece of paper, opened it to read what it contained but stopped as she was floored by McCoy's statement. "Wait...what? Rafael did what?" She read the very short and to the point resignation. Olivia was speechless.  
"Mr. McCoy, I...I'm just as surprised by this as you are. I don't know where this is coming from." Olivia looked at Jack, not sure of what else she could say.

McCoy continued, "I was hoping you could find him and see what's going on in his head. I tried calling his office. He told Carmen he'd be out for the rest of the day and he's not answering his cell. But he will for you. No one knows where he is." Olivia handed the letter back to McCoy as she took a breath, "I will find him, I promise you." An unsettled feeling washed over Olivia. 

McCoy thanked Olivia for her help. As he left, she immediately picked up her phone and dialed Rafael's number. There was no answer. She tried from her office phone and still no answer. Olivia became extremely concern and a sick feeling churned in the bottom of her stomach as she tried a third time. She whispered to herself, "Rafa, baby please pick up the phone." Still no answer. This was not like Rafael. There were two people he always picked up for, Lucia and Olivia. The only time he didn't pick up was if he was in court. Olivia knew he had nothing scheduled for today. She made the decision to contact TARU and track his phone. She’d never worried about Rafael. He'd never given her any reason to worry. But this was so completely out of character and not at all like him; she had to make sure he was okay.

Within a few short minutes TARU got back with Olivia. They had traced Rafael's phone to Lafayette Street in the Bronx. Olivia knew the address and made the nearly hour drive in record time. It was St Raymond New Cemetery. Olivia assumed he had come to visit his Abuelita's grave site. He was always close with his grandmother and from Rafael and Olivia’s prior conversations, Catalina was the one person who always believed in him and his abilities, without question or hesitation. He loved his mother, but his Abuelita was something special.

As she pulled up to the cemetery and got out of the car she saw Rafa standing by his Abuelita and Abuelo's gravesite.  
She slowly walked up behind him and quietly spoke his name, "Rafael? Rafa, Jack McCoy came to see me and he said that...” Rafael turned around to look at her and his eyes were red, puffy and full of tears. He looked like a beaten and broken man. This was not the Rafael Barba that Olivia knew. In the six years she'd known him she'd never seen him like this. 

"Rafa, baby what's wrong? What's going on?" Rafa looked her in the eyes, staring at her for what seemed like an eternity. He quietly, almost in a whisper answered, "I'm done Liv. I can't do it anymore. I can't....I can't." He shook his head as the tears began again. Olivia instinctively wrapped her arms around him, his head falling on her shoulder, both collapsing to the ground. "Rafa? It's okay. It's okay. Whatever it is baby it's okay." Olivia just kept repeating that phrase, maybe more for herself than for Rafa as she cried right along with him. Whatever it was that was going on inside of Rafael, Olivia was deeply hurting for him. 

Rafael's emotions were coming to the surface for the first time in 30 years. The story he was about to tell Olivia was something that only a handful of people knew about Rafael Barba.


	9. The Demons

Olivia Benson was seeing a side of Rafael Barba that she never imagined existed. After nearly 19 years at SVU, not much frightened Olivia anymore. But seeing Rafael like this...out of control and falling apart...this had her scared to death.

Rafael had a tough time pulling himself together and Olivia was becoming extremely worried at his demeanor. "Shhhh...Rafa. It's okay. Baby please talk to me. Please baby. I love you Rafa. I love you so much." She gently stroked his hair and face as she sat on the ground of the cemetery, cradling the man she loved while he broke down. She was trying to give him any manner of comfort she could still not sure where this was coming from.  
After several minutes, Rafael began to calm enough to form a sentence. Through tearful eyes and a cracking voice he became extremely apologetic, "Olivia, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have to see this, I'm sorry you had to come here. I'm sorry for what I have to tell you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, mi amor."

Olivia took his hands and gently squeezed them, "Rafa, baby I don't understand. I just..." she shook her head, on the verge of tears herself. She just couldn't imagine what this was all about.  
Rafa looked at her and touched her face, palming her cheeks with his hands. He was so grateful she was in his life. "I never imagined you would walk into my life, Olivia Benson. I never thought I'd ever love another woman as deeply. I never wanted to love another woman...and I tried my damnedest not to fall in love with you."

As Rafa sat on the ground with her, he was very welcoming of Olivia holding his hands. The physical contact with her was somehow comforting to him. Olivia thought it best to just let him talk out whatever was going on inside of him. She simply stayed with him, supporting him in any way she could.  
Rafael took a long cleansing breath. He wanted to explain things to her but he was still not sure exactly where to start. He was terrified that this secret, it may be the one thing that would drive Olivia away. Rafael had lost so much in his life already. The thought of him losing Olivia, it was nearly too much for him to handle.  
Rafael slowly began to speak, "Olivia, do you remember me telling you about my high school sweetheart?"  
Olivia thought for a second and shook her head, "Sure...Lauren."

 

Rafa smiled, "Lauren Sullivan. She was my first girlfriend." Rafa closed his eyes, his thoughts beckoning back to his teenage years. "God I loved her. We were together every day from morning until night. Her parents, they hated me though. I was a fatherless, Cuban boy from the wrong side of the tracks who lived in a 5th floor walkup. But Lauren, oh she was so lovely with the most beautiful long hair. She had the perfect house, a perfect family, perfect life. I never understood why she chose to be with me. She could have had any guy she wanted and she chose me."

Olivia smiled, "Lauren was smart. She saw what I saw. She knew what a wonderful man you are. She saw what a good person you are. She saw how beneath that strong exterior you like to show the world, you have such a tender heart and when you love you do it with your whole heart." Olivia could feel her own tears forming through her words. She loved him so terribly much.

Rafa gave a slight smile, only half believing what Olivia was telling him.

He continued, unsure and afraid of how Olivia would accept what he was about to tell her. "In January of our junior year in '87, Lauren came to me in a panic...she was pregnant. She was pregnant with my child. Lauren decided she wanted to keep the baby and I supported her decision. So that meant I was a 17 year old, Catholic high school student who was going to be a father. That was not how I saw my life unfolding. But, what I did know is I was not going to be like _him_."

Olivia knew Rafael was talking about his father. As long as she'd known him, that was a name that Rafa refused to say. It was a complicated and even abusive relationship they had. Rafael's contention was he didn't deserve to have his name spoken.

Rafael continued. "I'd made the decision that I was going to be the kind of father to my child that I didn't have. I was going to be there for my baby. I was going to treat my baby's mother right, with love and respect and give her all of the good things she deserved. I got a part time job at a bodega in my neighborhood after school and tried to put some money away for us. I stayed by her side and went with her to doctor appointments when I could. I spent every free minute I had with Lauren. I just wanted to take care of her. I wanted to do the right thing."

He looked at Olivia who could see the pain and emotional torment on his face.  
"Olivia I did...we did everything we were supposed to do. Lauren took care of herself, she took care of the baby, of my baby...our baby."

Rafa became emotional talking about his child; He paused for a moment as his breathing became heavy. He did his best to continue, “August 24th of that year I got a call from Lauren in the middle of the afternoon. She was hysterical because she said that she was in labor, no one else was home with her and she didn't know what to do. But, luckily, my Abuelita was over for a visit. She looked at Mami and me and told us to go and take care of her bisnieto. Mami and I got Lauren to the hospital then mami tracked down her parents. When they got to the hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan threw me out of Lauren's hospital room in short order. Oh my God, they were so angry. Mrs. Sullivan insisted on being in the delivery room with Lauren. Neither she nor Mr. Sullivan wanted me in that room with her. _I'd done enough to Lauren_ , was what I was told. This was my child Olivia, and I wasn't even allowed to see him be born."

This was the absolute last thing Olivia was expecting and it hit her emotions harder than she realized.  
Olivia whispered, "Him?" It hit her that Rafael Barba, the man she loved, the man she thought she knew, had a son.  
Rafa slowly nodded his head. "Finally Mrs. Sullivan came from the delivery room crying. Something's wrong...Something's wrong. That's all she kept repeating. I asked to be allowed to see Lauren and I begged to see my son but they made it clear I was going to have nothing to do with either of them. Mami finally found the doctors that were treating Lauren and told them who I was. I don't know where it came from but I demanded to see my son. The doctors were taken off guard because they told me they were under the impression there was no father in the picture. They were told I deserted Lauren. I was pulled aside by the doctors and it was explained to me that my son had 'complications'. He had been rushed off to the neonatal intensive care unit. The doctors had diagnosed him with Trisomy 18. It's a chromosomal disorder that is eventually fatal, particularly with males. I was told they had him stabilized for now and on a breathing machine, but that it was only a temporary fix. The doctors said that death was just a matter of time. The entire staff was very good about letting me see him and spend as much time as I wanted at his bedside."

Rafa stared off into space, re-living the moment. His lower lip began to quiver and his voice became extremely shaky as he continued. "When I saw mi hijo, he was so beautiful. He was 7 lbs. 4 oz. and he was perfect. Dear God, he was so perfect. Dark hair...dark eyes. This was MY boy. Lauren...she and I decided together we wanted to do whatever we could for Eduardo."  
He looked at Olivia, "We named him after my Abuelo." Olivia nodded; she understood why he would choose that name.  
"The doctor's told us from the beginning he was terminal. Their recommendation was to remove all extraordinary measures and 'let nature take its course' but that wasn't acceptable to us. All of the doctors assured us that with this condition...the mortality rate for infants was nearly 100% but we couldn't...we wouldn't accept that. Our minds were made up. We wanted to do whatever was medically necessary and medically possible for him. Whatever was available for our boy we wanted him to have it. The doctors abided by our wishes and for 48 hours our hijo had the best medical care we could give him."

Oliva looked at Rafael confused, "He passed after 2 days." Olivia said this half as a statement and half as a question.  
Rafa began to shudder as he recalled the moment, shaking his head. "That's exactly it, Liv. He didn't have to die...not that day. That choice was taken from us."

Rafael began to break down, "Lauren's parents got an emergency order of guardianship from family court. They claimed we were unfit parents because we were both too young to comprehend the gravity of our son's condition and we didn't understand what was right for our own son. They convinced the court that Eduardo was in imminent danger and would suffer unless they received guardianship. They took our son away from us. They took the decision about his care away from us and there wasn't a damn thing either of us could do about it. Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan took the court order directly to the hospital administrator and demanded a removal order for all life sustaining equipment on our son. Mrs. Sullivan looked at Mami and me and with the coldest, most detached tone I’ve ever heard said, "It's what's best for everyone." Lauren and I implored the hospital administrator to please not do this, but his hands were tied by that God damn guardianship order."

Rafael looked over at a small headstone next to his Abuelo and Abulita. This strong, confident man that Olivia had always known crumbled into someone she'd never seen before, "The Sullivan's stole our son and the court gave them permission to kill him...they let him die!"

Through a tear stained face Rafael kept repeating, "Lo siento, Eduardo. Lo siento mucho. Papi lo liento mucho."  
Olivia looked in the same direction as Rafael and she saw what she had initially missed, a small tombstone that simply said...

**Eduardo Rafael Barba**  
**8/24/1987-8/26/1987**  
**Beloved son**  
**Mama and Papi's Brave Boy**

Olivia, on her knees, wrapped her arms around Rafael as she herself broke down along side of him. Seeing him hurting like this pained her to her very core. The only thing she knew to do was to be there for him and grieve with him for the son he no longer had.

*******************************************************

The truth was out. Rafael Barba had a son at 17 who only lived for 2 days...and Olivia never knew. Rafael sat at his son's gravesite for several minutes, crying, grieving and mourning the son he lost...the son who was taken from him. Olivia did her best to be there for him. She did her best to help him through this.

Things slowly started to become clearer for Olivia...Rafa's brashness that morning in hearing the details of the Householder case, his disconnection with her, and why he so suddenly resigned from the DA's office. She whispered to Rafa, "Eduardo was the reason you became a lawyer. He was the reason you became a District Attorney. You were trying to right the inexcusable wrong that had been done to you."

Rafael began to cry harder as he answered, "I wanted to fight for people who couldn't fight for themselves. I wanted to give victims a voice. I wanted to....I did it for Eduardo. I can't prosecute Mr. Householder. I can't do to him what was done to me. He was trying to keep his child alive. That's all I wanted for mi hijo and now I'm being asked to send a father to prison for doing exactly what I tried to do 30 years ago."

Olivia understood. This case hit too close to home for Rafa. She'd had cases like that herself but this...this was different. She assured him, "Rafa, if you really want to leave the DA's office, that's okay. If you never want to practice law again, then you'll do something else. Rafa, I want you to do whatever it is you need to do to be happy....I'll support you, I'll stand by you, and I’ll be here, baby. I love you...and I'm not going anywhere."

Rafael looked stunned at Olivia's comments. He thought for certain his past, his demons that he couldn't excise would surely drive her away. He looked at Olivia with half of a smile, "I love you, Olivia Benson...so much."  
Olivia smiled back, looking into his eyes and caressing his face. She had no intention…no desire to leave Rafael. He loved her. He needed her and the truth is she needed him...maybe even more. "I love you, Rafael Barba. Always and in All Ways."


	10. One Year Later

Rafael was emotionally exhausted. This had been a day for both Rafael and Olivia that neither had expected. As they stood up to leave the cemetery, Rafa stopped and said one last prayer for Eduardo. He also paid his respects to his Abuelita and Abuelo. When Rafael was ready, he and Olivia walked back to the car, holding each other's hands, neither one wanting to let go. Rafa stopped her before she got into the car, "Hey, wait." He faced her and held both of her hands. "I just wanted to say thank you for today. Olivia, you have turned my life upside down in the very best of ways and I don't know..." He stopped himself. He was full of emotions and could feel himself wanting to break down again. He wasn't going to let that happen. He closed his eyes to gather his thoughts then looked into Olivia's eyes. "I am so thankful every day that I found you. You are such a huge part of my life. You are such an important part of my life. You have become my entire life and I wouldn't have it any other way. Meeting you...falling in love with you is something I would have never thought possible. I love you Olivia, so much." He brushed her hair from her face and kissed her, gently touching his lips to hers. He could feel her moving into him, gently caressing his face as she returned his affections. 

As they got into the car to begin the drive back to Manhattan, Olivia’s cell phone rang. It was Fin. "Yeah Fin. Okay...Ah...yeah. I'm with him now. I’ll tell him."  
Rafa looked at Olivia, "Is everything okay?” Olivia didn't answer immediately. She simply sat motionless in the car still parked at the cemetery.  
Rafa repeated, reaching for Olivia's hand, "Liv? What's going on?" Olivia took his hand, "Yeah it’s fine, ah...that was Fin. He got a call from Mercy Hospital." She looked into Rafael's eyes, "Drew Householder had a code blue 30 minutes ago. The doctors said his organs shut down. He's gone." 

Rafael nodded at Olivia. Nothing more needed to be said. Olivia touched Rafa's face, letting him know she was there for him in any way he needed. Olivia knew this was tearing Rafael apart while at the same time she could see...she could feel a sense of calm come over him. The suffering for Drew was over...he was at peace. Eduardo was at peace. But Rafael…she wasn't so sure about him just yet. She whispered to him, "I love you Rafa." Rafael kissed her hand, "Te amo Olivia. Te quiero."

***************************

As the weeks passed and Rafael figured out his next move, he began to put the pieces of his life back together. People would occasionally ask him if he missed the DA's office. Truth is...he didn't. He'd found solace in his decision to resign and with Olivia's support, he was forging ahead with his life and career. Rafael and Olivia were coming up on their one year anniversary in a couple of months. Rafael, of course, was planning something spectacular for the evening. He loved Olivia. He'd seen her through William Lewis, Johnny D, and Sheila Porter. He had always been there for her whenever and in whatever manner she needed him to be. She was by his side during the Alex Munoz situation, the passing of his Abuelita and she stayed with him through one of the toughest times of his life as he re-lived his son's passing and walked away from the only career he'd ever known. Rafael was certain...there was never any question that Olivia was it for his life. He only hoped she felt the same way. 

By spring of that year, Rafael had a new career and a new title...Professor Rafael Barba. He had accepted an offer from NYU School of Law in the criminal division, although he would teach a variety of law classes. One of Rafael's former classmates at Harvard, Mitchell Howard, happened to be a law professor there. They had kept in touch over the years, having the occasional drink now and then. When Mitchell found out about Rafael's resignation, he put in a good word for him with the Dean of the NYU Law Department. Because of his 21 year career in the District Attorney's office, Rafael was immediately offered a tenured position. NYU was anxious to get someone with Rafael's experience on the faculty board. If Rafael wasn't putting the bad guys away anymore, he wanted to help train the future lawyers who would. 

As Rafael got used to the life of a professor, Olivia was still kicking ass at SVU and Noah...he was being Noah. Minus the occasional speed bumps of day to day existence, life for these three was damn near perfect. Being a professor did have it perks. Rafael's hours were a bit more predictable and frankly, the pay was leaps and bounds better than the District Attorney's office had ever offered. Rafael was able to occasionally meet Olivia for lunch and since they were no longer ADA and Lieutenant, they didn't need to be so covert about their feelings for each other anytime he happened to be at the 1-6. 

Rafael was having lunch with Olivia in her office four days before their anniversary. Olivia knew Rafael had something up his sleeve, but she couldn't quite suss out what he was up to. After several minutes of eating in silence, Olivia just couldn't help herself.  
"So, are you going to tell me?"  
Rafael raised his eyebrow at her with half of a smirk on his face. He knew she was after information. "Excuse me, Lieutenant? Tell you what?"  
"Rafa, the 25th is four days away."  
Rafael looked up from his food, "Well since today is May 21st, yeah...I'd say your right, Liv."

Olivia became annoyed, to say the least. She knew Rafael was planning something and she was damned determined to figure out what...she just didn't know how she was going to do it. She decided to attempt a slightly more ...feminine tactic. In the softest, sweetest voice she could muster, she tried again. 

"Rafa, honey? Do you have anything...interesting planned for Friday?" Olivia gave a coy smile. 

"Actually I do," Rafael responded. “I’m giving the most wonderful...final exam in my advanced Constitutional Law class. They're not going to know what hit them."  
Rafael began to chucked, half please with himself about the mind boggling final he'd come up and half amused that Olivia was trying so hard to figure out if he remembered what May 25th was, let alone if he was planning anything special.

An exasperated Olivia gave a sigh, “Okay. Fine! Be like that, Professor Barba." She was extremely indignant with him at this point. She didn't really believe he forgot. In fact, she knew by his answers he hadn't and she knew he had something planned. She was just annoyed she couldn't get it out of him. She was always so proficient at getting perps to confess, spill their secrets and get that conviction. She had never been that lucky with Rafael. When it came to things like this, it was always a game of cat and mouse between them. Olivia usually lost...and she cherished that about him. Rafa loved nothing more than to surprise her and in the year they'd officially been a couple, he'd gotten really good at it. 

*****************************************

The day finally came.  
Friday, May 25, 2018.  
Olivia Benson and Rafael Barba had officially been a couple for one year.  
As Olivia arrived at her office at about 9am that morning she saw the most exquisite two dozen red roses arranged with baby's breath in a beautiful crystal vase. Olivia saw the bouquet and let out an audible gasp. Attached to the vase was an envelope with her name on it. She recognized Rafael's handwriting immediately. As she opened it she read:

 

Olivia,  
One year ago our lives completely changed. The past 12 months have been a whirlwind of emotions for us, both good and bad. Tonight, we celebrate "us"; we celebrate this past year and all of the wonderful years to come.  
At 6 pm your chariot will arrive. Please wear the same dress you did on our first date.  
With all my love and my entire heart...  
I love you ~  
Rafa

 

Olivia smiled as she read the note. She absent mindedly smelled the roses, caught up in the moment. This had truly been the happiest year of her life. Her son was well and out of harm’s way and she had Rafael. She couldn't ask for anything more. For the first time in her life, she was truly happy. She felt loved unconditionally and she felt more secure than every before. She didn't know how her life could get any more perfect. 

Fin walked in her office, "Liv, we've got a rape/kidnap on the upper West side in progress. The perp still has the victim, he's taken her hostage and he's specifically asked for you."  
Liv's head jerked up, "For me? Who is it?"  
Fin shrugged his shoulders, "They don't have a name, Liv but he asked for Detective Benson at SVU. The hostage negotiator is already there with ESU."  
Without blinking she told Fin, "Let's go."

************************************

Across town Professor Barba finished up with his last final of the spring, 2018 Semester. As he left the NYU campus headed for home he made a quick call to Olivia. The call rang but went to voicemail.

"Hola, beautiful. I'm leaving campus now and I will see you tonight. 6pm. Don't make me have to wait. You know how I hate to wait." He chuckled to himself. "I love you, mi amor...so much. I'll see you soon." 

He went straight home and began to get everything ready for their big night. He had rented out the same restaurant, La Bernardin, where they had gone on their first date. Everything for them started there and he decided for this next phase of their lives, this would be the perfect place. The limo he'd rented arrived at his apartment promptly at 5:45 pm. He made one last check that he had his wallet, phone and everything he needed for the evening. Rafael got in the back seat of the limo. The driver had already been given Olivia's address. As they pulled away from Rafael's apartment, his cell phone rang. He knew from the ringtone it was Olivia's phone.  
Rafael pick up the call "Let me guess, you're running late?"

A worried, frantic look came over his face when at the other end of the phone he heard, "Counselor? It’s Fin. I need you to come to Mercy Hospital."  
Rafael’s stomach fell to the floor. Through a broken voice he asked, "What happened?"  
Fin hesitated before answering and was evasive in what he did tell Barba. "We had a rape/hostage situation. The kidnapper asked for Olivia. It was some perp she put away 20 years ago. There were shots fired..."

"Sergeant! Is she....is she alive?"

Fin's voice got very quiet. "They took her into surgery. The bullet hit her leg and the doctors are worried it hit her femoral artery. She's still alive but Counselor you need to get here."  
Rafael immediately told the driver to head for Mercy Hospital. He was beside himself with worry. He kept repeating, "Please God no. Not Olivia. Please God...please." Rafael felt tears well up in his eyes. He couldn't lose her...he just couldn't.

The limo pulled up to the ER entrance and Rafael didn't wait on the driver to completely stop before he opened the back door to get out. Inside he found Fin waiting for him. He filled Rafael in on what he knew so far, which truthfully wasn't much. 

"Fin! What...what happened? How is she?"

Fin did his best to keep Rafael calm. He knew how much the counselor loved Olivia. But, Fin also knew how very much Olivia loved Rafael. "The last report I got was they were almost finished with surgery. She lost a lot of blood but she's holding her own." 

Rafael nodded his head, "Yeah she's...she's strong. She'll fight. She'll…she’ll fight for Noah."  
Fin saw how worried Barba was. There wasn’t anything for Rafael to do now but wait…wait and worry. Fin put his hand on Rafael's shoulder, "She'll fight for you too, counselor. Look, this is none of my business and I'll deny to Liv I ever said this but she tells me all the time that next to Noah, you were the best thing that ever happened to her. I've know that woman for 20 years and I have never seen her as happy as you’ve made her."

Rafael shook his hand. He knew what Fin was trying to do. "Thank you, Fin. You're really a good friend to her."

"Who is the family of Olivia Benson?" Rafael turned to find a woman in scrubs, obviously the surgeon who worked on Olivia. He walked up to the physician, "That's me. I'm Rafael Barba. Is she...is....?" Rafael couldn't finish the sentence let alone the thought in his head.  
The surgeon began, "Mr....Barba? We think Olivia is going to make it. We pulled a 38mm slug out of her right thigh. It did nick her femoral artery but we were able to stop the bleeding. She’s had some significant blood loss but with rest and little time she should be just fine. You’re wife’s very lucky Mr. Barba. If the bullet had traveled just a few more inches, she would have died.”

Rafael didn’t know what shook him more, the fact that Olivia damn near died or the surgeon using the phrase, ‘your wife’.  
“Can I see her?” The surgeon hesitated for a minute then relented, “Sure. She should be in her own room now.” The surgeon escorted Rafael to Olivia’s bedside. As they opened the hospital room door, Rafael looked at Olivia. She was very pale. This giant…the Wonder Woman of SVU looked so small and weak in that hospital bed, hooked up to all manner of monitors and an IV pump. After thanking the surgeon again, Rafael walked to Olivia's bedside and sat down quietly next to her. He carefully took her hand into his, leaning down to gently kiss the top of her hand. All manner of emotions began to well up in him…fear, pain, anxiety, panic. He quietly spoke, “Olivia. Olivia, mi amor. Can you hear me?”  
Rafael stared at her…the woman he’d waited a lifetime for. She was the woman who made him…who allowed him to care again. She is only woman would he could have ever completely opened his heart to and now she was lying motionless in a hospital bed. 

Rafa’s tears began. “You are full of surprises Lieutenant. This is not how I wanted…or anticipated this evening would go. I have so much to say to you Olivia. You are the one who gave me a reason. When I first met you I was so sure of myself. I was cocky, sometimes self-centered…okay and arrogant too.” Rafael snickered softly. “But you…somehow you slithered your way into my life, into my universe…and over time, you found your way to my heart. I don’t know for the life of me what you saw or why you stayed but I thank God every day that you did. I thank God every day that you gave me a chance because living my life without you is not a place I want to be.” 

Rafael became so emotional. He reached into his jacket pocket to grab a handkerchief and found the surprise he’d bought for Olivia. It startled him momentarily. He stopped and stared at it for brief moment then continued. “You know Olivia, I had this big, extravagant night planned for us. I need you to know with absolute certainty how much I love you.” He held the gift in his hands. “No matter what happens, this is yours. It belongs to you."  
He took her hand. "Olivia Benson…I want to grow old with you.”

He slipped the most beautiful diamond engagement ring onto her left ring finger. “It’s 6 carats. One for every joyous year you have shared with me.”  
He stopped to give her ring finger a gentle kiss, and then looked back at her beautiful face. “I love you, with everything I have and all that I am. Marry me, Livia” In a whisper he repeated, "Marry me, mi amor."

He leaned up and gently kissed her cheek, trying anyway he could to let her know he was there for her and he was not about to let go.  
Several hours later Rafael, still holding her hand, was sitting in the chair but his torso and head leaned over and were resting on the side of her bed. He had fallen asleep with his head resting beside her newly jeweled left hand. 

As the hours passed and the anesthesia wore off, Olivia began to come out of her drug induced fog. She felt and then saw Rafael hunched over beside her. She still wasn’t quite sure the details of what happened to her but she surmised that she was shot by the stabbing pain coursing through her leg. 

As she looked down at Rafael still in his tuxedo and sound asleep. She noticed the newly acquired piece of jeweler on her left ring finger. Their anniversary….she quickly realized what day it was and realized what Rafael had planned for her. Through her medicinal haze, tears streamed down Olivia’s face. She touched Rafael’s head and in a quiet soft whisper she said one word, “Yes”.


End file.
